I have always loved a good argument. Debate, to me, is the quintessential spice of life. Sparring over facts and opinions through intelligent conversations is almost as good to me as a Kansas City Chiefs comeback victory. In high school, our debate team was the central component of my personality. I poured myself into the program to an extent that was probably a bit over the top. My colleagues and I would routinely stay after school working on our cases and laying out arguments for hours. We had a coffee pot, comfortable chairs we’d brought in from home, and routinely requested dinner deliveries to the high school. Though extreme, the long hours and extra work paid off. I got good at debating, and I liked winning.
The strategies I developed and lessons I learned as a debater stuck with me. I use many of the skills every day and am grateful for the success they’ve brought me. But, over the years, I’ve realized that always leaving my debate switch turned on created personality traits that made me a less than ideal colleague, partner, and citizen. This became crystal clear to me during one of my first employee evaluations. My manager, whom I respected a great deal and was a former debater himself, told me a hard truth. He said, “Austin, your biggest challenge is that you listen to respond, not to learn or understand. As soon as someone starts talking, you begin crafting your response.” I sat across from the conference table both embarrassed and upset. I knew he was right, and I knew I couldn’t become the leader I wanted to be if my priority was winning every argument. 
So, I did what we are supposed to do when a problem is identified. I looked for solutions. Books, podcasts, and mentorships helped me identify strategies and techniques to help me become a better active listener. Instead of formulating an argument, I tried to engage in conversations with intense curiosity. That meant suspending my own assumptions, asking good questions, and limiting distractions (mental or otherwise) that took my attention away from the people in front of me. It didn’t take long to figure out an important lesson. I make better decisions when I learn from the perspectives and experiences of people around me. When I listen to learn instead of to respond, I grow.
I’m certainly not a perfect listener today. My colleagues will tell you that I still like to win debates and I continue to struggle with my tendency to listen to respond, not to learn or understand. But as I watch the world around me struggle with the same tendencies, my desire to change how I interact with others is growing.
As educational leaders, we have all experienced, either in ourselves or in others, the reality that we as human beings prefer to reinforce our own beliefs more than we want to learn, be challenged, or be wrong. We've watched and participated in school board meetings and team conversations as people close their ears, open their mouths, and do everything in their power to demean others as they strive to be right. I can’t help but wonder, how does this make us better leaders or increase the success of students in our state?
KASB, in always trying to provide resources and tools that help our members, has seen this troubling trend and put together a great resource on public commentary for educational leaders. It talks about the importance of school board meetings, the inherent value of public feedback, and the all-important responsibility of board presidents to maintain order during meetings so that the import work of a school district can be done. But as good as the resource is, I want to push us a step further.
Instead of simply enforcing policy and responding when patrons get out of hand, let’s all work a little harder in this increasingly divisive time to lead by example. What can we do to display those characteristics that we all appreciate in other people and leaders? Can we listen more actively? Can we ask better clarifying questions that get to the root of a concern or idea? Can we put our own preconceived notions aside and be open to the not at all inconceivable idea that we might not have the answers? We have big and complex challenges to tackle together in the world of education. Isn’t there value in learning from each other so that we can create opportunities and make decisions that we would never come up with on our own?
I want to push you to join me as I continue to respond to some of the earliest advice in my career. Don’t listen to respond; listen to learn and understand other people. I think the odds are good that if we lead as active listeners, others will follow. So instead of arguing, let’s talk.
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